The Mythical Salesperson

Another classic start to the week with Sales having made further commitments to the customer, failing to realise that they aren't the ones who have to follow thro' with them. Well, that's not quite true. They actually did try to follow thro', more's the pity. Thus began a series of conversations with the customer where we discussed actions I know nothing about, deliverables of which I was unaware and deadlines where I thought none existed. Thanks for telling me lads. So I had to listen to such lines as "This was supposed to be delivered last Thursday, where is it?", "I'm not going to explain this all over again to you when I've done so in great detail to yer man last week", "Do you guys work in the same office or are you scattered across the oceans?".

Well, fair play to Sales who tried their hand at some development. Of course, they failed to tell the rest of development what they were up to and we ended up with separate and distinctly different streams of development activity, each with divergent features. And, when they started to realise they weren't developers (probably when they knew they had to deliver something themselves for a change), they told the real developers to stop what they were doing and gave them new stuff to do. Now salesmen can't do this normally. But when you're a Director, normal rules don't apply to you.

Of course some people who work in Sales are grand. Most aren't tho' and that's the problem. There's a bigger problem however and the hint is in the name - sales. These people don't actually sell, they suss out what someone wants and strike a deal with them. Now that's not selling, that's agreeing. But they believe that they actually sell. Hence, the mythical salesperson. I remember many moons ago when I was in my first job, I met some guys from South Africa. This was just around the time when the rest of the world felt there was money to be made in doing business with South Africa which coincided nicely with the post-apartheid order. Their guys were stunned when they found out that the major weapon in a European salesperson's arsenal was vapourware. In SA, they actually went to events and sold products and services that they had. Now there was a novelty. Because no-one had done business with them, they had developed their own way of doing business in isolation and without external influence. And it worked for them.

As you've probably guessed by now, I don't really have a insightful point to make. Nothing new there then. I'd just rather Sales were honest and...I can't believe I just tried to put those two words in the same sentence. Look, Sales don't sell, they agree. And that's that. I've heard smug salesmen tell me "We have to dare the developers to make what we've sold. That's how we motivate them. Then they rise to the challenge, realise their potential and become happier and more productive employees." What a load of shite. This from the guys that make commission on revenue, quote how much cash they brought in and fail to note that the cost of these projects can often be more than that revenue thanks to their financial and technical awareness.

Well, that was a bit of winding rant really. And I don't feel the therapeutic value yet. Maybe I'm just a bitter bastard. And I bet you agree. That's the salesman in you coming out. Now that made me smile.